No girl needs a reason to brush up on her skills in man-hunting, and no matter how clued-up we believe ourselves to be when it comes to the love game, there's always one jerk or another waiting around the corner to trump us. In her new novel, Guide to Men, experienced London call-girl Belle de Jour lays out the dos and don'ts of dating, the whys and wherefores of relationships and the ultimate faux-pas in bagging that bloke. What more could the single girl ask for, right?
In an introduction that could hardly be more straight-talking if it came up and bashed you over the head, Belle is quick to establish the ground rules of using the book: there's a type of girl and a type of guy, and only once we've confirmed our own category can we begin to use it to our advantage. For example, there are 3 styles of man-hunting: the GG, or Good Girl (requires high-maintenance), the Plain Jane (middle of the road, but not as average as she sounds) and last but not least, the SB, or Scary Bitch (example specimen: Jodie Marsh).
Of course, there are around fifteen plus categories of men, and, according to Belle, in order to tame them into either a boyfriend, That Guy I'm Seeing, or a FWB (Friends With Benefits, or fuck-buddy), we, as the modern-day female, must learn first to identify them and then to slot them soundlessly into the position we want. Intrigue led me to buy the book: is there a magic something that I'm yet to discover? Could Belle de Jour have the ability to empower me with 100% man success rate and render the broken heart a thing of the past?
Unfortunately for Belle, after flipping over the page to the twelfth type of man ('The Likely Lad') my attention slips and Belle's commanding tone dims to an annoying waffle. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for girl-power and taking control of our love lives- but why would a woman seeking man advice, benefit from being told that the apparent reality of the situation is thus: categorising, analysing and interpreting his every move, while responding accordingly. This is the only way we can secure a good man?
Admittedly, the most common problem with women is that while men can separate just sex from love, us girls have more of an issue with it. Generally we do over-analyse things, and Belle de Jour names this as our biggest setback in the man-hunt. Yet Guide to Men advises women to trawl through every possible ulterior motive to his every word and action. Witty and wily at every turn, the book is a gem if you're already a professional man-eater. However, if, like me, you're more of a Plain Jane than a Scary Bitch: then you're probably already doing just fine.
